1 00:00:04,600 --> 00:00:06,816 A hot tub in the bedroom, yeah? 2 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:09,056 You might as well just get a flashing sign that says, "Playa!" 3 00:00:09,080 --> 00:00:12,456 Ha-ha! Don't be telling me this ain't lit as fuck, girl. 4 00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:15,536 I could get used to this. Get the bubbles going, then. 5 00:00:15,560 --> 00:00:17,936 Nah, it's calm. I like it like this. 6 00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:20,736 The bubbles are the whole point. 7 00:00:20,760 --> 00:00:22,320 Uh-uh. 8 00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:27,336 Come on. 9 00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:29,960 I've never done it in a Jacuzzi before. 10 00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:36,160 Yeah... OK. 11 00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:47,336 What's that noise? 12 00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:48,640 What? I can't hear anything. 13 00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:51,096 Benjamin! 14 00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:53,936 What did I tell you? Ben-ja-min! 15 00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:56,496 I don't remember everything you say, woman. You're not that interesting. 16 00:00:56,520 --> 00:00:57,896 Benji, what's going on? 17 00:00:57,920 --> 00:00:59,240 Nothing, darling. 18 00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:03,496 You know the rules. 19 00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:04,976 No bubbles after seven! 20 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:06,776 I'm trying to watch EastEnders! 21 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:08,016 Who the hell is this? 22 00:01:08,040 --> 00:01:09,216 This is... 23 00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:10,376 What's your name again? 24 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:11,576 It's Elle. Who's she? 25 00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:12,616 It's my cleaner. 26 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:14,536 His mother. Benji, you'd better be wearing protection. 27 00:01:14,560 --> 00:01:16,136 I'm just sitting in the tub, Mum. Stupid boy. 28 00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:19,416 You can still get STDs from sharing bathwater with sex workers. 29 00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:21,816 She's not a sex worker! 30 00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:23,576 Are you? You're not...? 31 00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:24,896 No, I'm fucking not! 32 00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:26,680 Benji, cover your ears. 33 00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:35,440 Aguero! 34 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:48,136 Power dynamics. 35 00:01:48,160 --> 00:01:50,536 You're men. That's power. 36 00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:52,936 But also you're wealthy. 37 00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:54,576 THAT'S power. 38 00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:57,776 Are people doing things that they don't really want to do 39 00:01:57,800 --> 00:01:58,896 just to please you? 40 00:01:58,920 --> 00:02:01,416 "But, Louis, they always have a choice to say no." 41 00:02:01,440 --> 00:02:05,936 Remember, guys, that's not a choice, that's called self-defence. 42 00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:09,040 But knocking me back is more like self-harm. 43 00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:11,896 Hey, cool! 44 00:02:11,920 --> 00:02:15,336 I know humour can be used to defuse tension, but maybe not now, yeah? 45 00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:18,616 OK. I'd love to break out into groups. We can role-play. 46 00:02:18,640 --> 00:02:20,216 No. No time for that. 47 00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:21,496 Look, the bottom line is, 48 00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:24,536 I don't want to see any of you in the papers over this stuff, OK? 49 00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:26,136 Any questions? 50 00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:27,536 Pascal. 51 00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:29,936 But of course it's still OK when we 52 00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:34,176 film the sex to share it on... um... 53 00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:36,096 Oh, putain, c'est quoi? What is the word? 54 00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:37,616 Cry... Crypte... Cry...? 55 00:02:37,640 --> 00:02:38,936 Encrypted? 56 00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:41,976 Yeah, encrypted. It's still OK to share filmed sex 57 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:44,296 on encrypted WhatsApp group, yes? 58 00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:45,976 Hard no. 59 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:50,216 And just to be clear, Pascal, that was never OK. 60 00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:51,680 Any other questions? 61 00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:54,136 Petey? 62 00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:56,696 Look, the bottom line is, you can do what you always did, 63 00:02:56,720 --> 00:02:58,256 as long as you keep it under wraps. 64 00:02:58,280 --> 00:02:59,976 Totally incorrect. Also, not a question. OK. 65 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:03,976 Think about what you're about to do, then afterwards keep it under wraps. 66 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:06,176 No. And again, not a question. 67 00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:08,896 Guys, this is really not that hard. It's about consent 68 00:03:08,920 --> 00:03:11,376 and attaining mutual stated consent 69 00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:13,096 before and during lovemaking. 70 00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:16,176 Exactly that. But put in a less creepy way. 71 00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:19,296 Easy for him to say. He's a born-again virgin. 72 00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:21,656 Oh, that's interesting. For religious reasons? 73 00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:24,136 Self-imposed dry patch. Focusing on my career. 74 00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:27,856 Look, you're all intelligent. Just be respectful 75 00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:30,896 and avoid situations where it's easy to confuse the signals. 76 00:03:30,920 --> 00:03:32,856 Basically, stick to strip clubs. 77 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:34,856 No. Absolutely not. 78 00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:38,416 No cameras. Consenting adults. Plus, it's empowering for women. 79 00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:40,216 Hard to know if you're being serious. 80 00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:41,976 Where can we go, then? I don't know. 81 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:44,456 The cinema? Or do some charity work. 82 00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:48,416 Food banks, the elderly. Anything except strip clubs. 83 00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:50,376 Nah, this all smacks of sexism to me. 84 00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:52,576 I bet you didn't have this chat with the ladies' team. 85 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,416 Yes, we did, obviously. 86 00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:56,016 For appearances' sake. No. 87 00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:57,576 Because it's important. 88 00:03:57,600 --> 00:03:59,176 I'm going to start my own campaign. 89 00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:00,856 "Believe all men." 90 00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:02,136 Well, that's a terrible idea, 91 00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:04,816 but there's absolutely nothing stopping you doing so, Petey, 92 00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:07,016 just as long as it's after you've left the club. 93 00:04:07,040 --> 00:04:08,576 Any other questions? 94 00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:10,496 Really? 95 00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:12,536 Really? Fine. 96 00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:13,856 Pascal, again. 97 00:04:13,880 --> 00:04:15,920 But it's encrypted, so...? 98 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:23,856 Olivia, why wasn't Cesare at the talk? 99 00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:25,896 He's a 65-year-old Italian. 100 00:04:25,920 --> 00:04:28,216 He thinks the MeToo movement is a way to indicate 101 00:04:28,240 --> 00:04:29,536 you'd like to join the orgy. 102 00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:30,736 Oh, really? 103 00:04:30,760 --> 00:04:31,896 No. 104 00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:33,456 Sorry, that was unprofessional. 105 00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:35,296 It's been a stressful morning. 106 00:04:35,320 --> 00:04:37,776 You know, I covered sexual politics as part of my degree, 107 00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:40,216 so if you ever need a supportive voice within the squad, just shout. 108 00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:41,416 I'm probably OK. 109 00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:43,616 Anyway, thanks for trying. I appreciate it. 110 00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:46,056 Yeah, you know, if you're having a bad day, 111 00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:48,696 maybe we could have a chat over coffee or dinner? 112 00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:50,296 OK. Two things. 113 00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:52,976 One, I don't date footballers. It wouldn't be a date. 114 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:55,576 I just think we'd get along and... Wait. 115 00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:58,520 I had these made for this exact situation. 116 00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:02,496 Yes. OK. Very cute. I get it. 117 00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:04,720 But I'm... Really, I'm not like the others. 118 00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:08,536 You had them laminated? They get a lot of use. 119 00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:11,176 Right. Did you have a second thing? 120 00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:13,736 Secondly, I've just finished hosting a talk 121 00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:15,936 on inappropriate sexual behaviour. 122 00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:17,680 So, one second... 123 00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:22,736 Hi, Bob. 124 00:05:22,760 --> 00:05:26,376 Sorry to do this on a Monday, but I need to send Mattie Sullivan 125 00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:29,080 over to you regarding an octopus situation. 126 00:05:30,280 --> 00:05:32,056 Great. Thanks. 127 00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:34,096 What's an octopus situation? 128 00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:36,056 Sexual harassment of a colleague. 129 00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:37,960 You know where the HR office is? 130 00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:46,936 Out of the whole squad of deviants, I'm the one that gets the verbal warning? 131 00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:50,656 Sex rules are baffling. It's probably safer if we all become born-again virgins. 132 00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:53,496 It's a self-imposed dry patch. I've been focusing on my career. 133 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,976 I'm nervous now. Hot-tubbed a girl last night. 134 00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:57,536 What if she goes to the press? 135 00:05:57,560 --> 00:06:00,456 Please tell me that hot-tubbed isn't a euphemism. 136 00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:01,736 Nah. We done it in my actual hot tub. 137 00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:03,616 The one in your bedroom? Yeah, boi! 138 00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:04,976 And let's just say, when she got out, 139 00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:07,136 there was a lot more liquid in there than before. Ha-ha! 140 00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:10,056 Because she pissed herself? No. But it got mad kinky. 141 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:11,776 I'm not buying it. Sounds like bullshit. 142 00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:13,536 You should probably give her a call, you know, 143 00:06:13,560 --> 00:06:15,336 after that chat this morning and everything. 144 00:06:15,360 --> 00:06:16,936 Yeah. If she's real, give her a call. 145 00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:18,800 Oh, she's real. And I'm calling her now. 146 00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:21,536 What? 147 00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:23,456 Sweetheart. How's it going, sweetheart? 148 00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:24,736 Don't call me sweetheart. 149 00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:26,536 Babes, listen. Last night was sick, 150 00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:28,296 but it has to stay between me and you. 151 00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:31,176 And your mum? Ha-ha. Banter. Good one. 152 00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:34,136 But seriously, club wouldn't want to see my name splashed all over the papers. 153 00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:38,096 Benji, I can guarantee our story is safe with me. 154 00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:40,376 Cool. Cool. 155 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:43,976 Because I tried selling it, and no-one's interested. 156 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:45,616 Turns out you're a fucking nobody. 157 00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:47,656 Not the Cameroonian David Beckham. 158 00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:49,456 What? Not even LADbible! 159 00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:53,656 A girl I know wanked Wes from Love Island on a train, and even THAT made LADbible. 160 00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:54,736 Nice one. Bye. 161 00:06:54,760 --> 00:06:57,176 The Cameroonian Beckham? Nah, nah. It's all good. 162 00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:58,576 At least I'm safe from getting MeToo'd. 163 00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:01,056 Benji, you don't get MeToo'd. 164 00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:03,456 You do something wrong and you suffer the consequences. 165 00:07:03,480 --> 00:07:06,336 You're right, we got to be careful. This MeToo got us on lockdown. 166 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:09,176 We can't go nowhere, not one strip club. No, it hasn't. 167 00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:12,136 If we behave how we normally do, everything will be fine. 168 00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:14,936 You got a verbal warning seconds after a MeToo talk. 169 00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:16,136 It was a misunderstanding. 170 00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:18,776 Hey, if yous want to go somewhere, I know a place. 171 00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:21,096 I go there all the time, and we definitely won't get MeToo'd. 172 00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:23,520 You do have to stop saying that. Come on. 173 00:07:29,880 --> 00:07:31,856 He was right about us not getting in trouble with women in here. 174 00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:33,456 I doubt a woman has ever been in here. 175 00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:35,616 It's like they built this as a MeToo bunker. 176 00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:37,376 Yeah, each way on that one. 177 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:39,616 Lovely, Jack. Good horse, that. 178 00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:42,216 Any thoughts for the Champions League games this week? 179 00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:43,776 Oh, yeah, good point. Here's 20. 180 00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:45,576 Juve to win on away goals. 181 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:48,696 Hey, you're not betting on football, are you? You really shouldn't be doing that. 182 00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:51,536 Nah, it's fine. I don't bet on our games - usually. 183 00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:53,176 It's not fine. You'll be suspended 184 00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:55,216 for betting on any football anywhere in the world. 185 00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:57,256 Nah, they'd have mentioned it if that was the case. 186 00:07:57,280 --> 00:07:59,736 They do mention it! All the time. 187 00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:02,096 It seems unlikely, to be honest. 188 00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:04,176 Can we go now? Just watch the end of this race. 189 00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:05,816 I've got a grand on it. A grand?! 190 00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:08,256 Is it a big race? Don't know. Probably not. 191 00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:10,176 Why does no-one want to buy a story on me? 192 00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:12,696 You should be grateful. I'm not, though. I want to be big enough 193 00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:13,896 that someone will buy a story. 194 00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:16,960 "Not-Cameroonian Beckham still lives with Mom"? 195 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:20,776 Sorry about that, Jack. It happens, Terry, mate. 196 00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:22,296 Don't worry about it. 197 00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:24,696 Seem pretty OK for someone who's just lost a grand. 198 00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:27,136 Never lost a grand. Oh, good. 199 00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:28,336 In total, it was about three grand. 200 00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:30,176 Jesus is Lord! No, it's fine. 201 00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:32,336 I got paid two grand the other day off my sponsors. 202 00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:33,696 Screwfix. Yeah. 203 00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:34,736 Mad luck. 204 00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:37,216 Well, this place is super depressing. Let's get out of here. 205 00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:40,056 I told you, you can't go nowhere. Nowhere is safe. 206 00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:41,696 Oh, I could cook us all a meal. 207 00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:44,976 Just because we can't date women don't mean we have to start dating each other. 208 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:47,016 No, I've been living out of a hotel for weeks. 209 00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:49,736 Be great to do something normal, like cook a meal. 210 00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:51,176 Can I use your kitchen, Jack? 211 00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:54,776 Yeah, knock yourself out. Great. Let's go buy some food. 212 00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:56,776 Yeah, you might need to buy some cutlery too. 213 00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:57,936 And plates. 214 00:08:57,960 --> 00:08:59,176 And some pots. 215 00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:00,416 And a table. 216 00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:02,976 And probably some chairs as well. But other than that, you're all good. 217 00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:04,496 You need to be careful in supermarkets. 218 00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:07,056 That's where women go in the afternoons if they want sex. 219 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:08,616 Or if they want shopping. 220 00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:11,736 I saw a TED Talk on it. This guy knew what he was talking about. 221 00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:17,616 There's a TED Talk on picking up women in supermarkets on weekday afternoons? 222 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:21,096 Yes. This guy talks about how he picks up women in supermarkets all the time, 223 00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:22,736 and then he shows the results. 224 00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:24,776 I am almost certain you mean Pornhub. 225 00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:28,200 Wherever I saw it, we need to be careful in supermarkets. 226 00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:34,256 These are weird, aren't they? 227 00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:36,856 Like little plastic things that you hang in your bog. 228 00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:39,576 The TED Talk guy said he got most of his action in the household goods aisle. 229 00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:41,296 Makes sense. Yeah, because nothing 230 00:09:41,320 --> 00:09:44,216 puts a woman in the mood more than an aisle of Toilet Ducks. 231 00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:45,656 Excuse me? 232 00:09:45,680 --> 00:09:48,816 I'm so sorry to bother you, but you're not Jack Turner, the footballer, are you? 233 00:09:48,840 --> 00:09:49,896 Yes, miss. 234 00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:52,696 Oh, wow. I've seen you on my son's wall. 235 00:09:52,720 --> 00:09:55,216 He-He'll never believe this. He's such a fan. 236 00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:56,400 I'm Nicola. 237 00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:03,656 Are you all players? 238 00:10:03,680 --> 00:10:06,016 Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm Mattie. This is Benji. 239 00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:07,576 Wow. 240 00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:09,376 Actual professional footballers. 241 00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:10,656 What are you doing in here? 242 00:10:10,680 --> 00:10:12,776 I thought you'd have people to shop for you. 243 00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:14,656 I'm humble, I stay humble. 244 00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:16,336 Would you mind if I got a photo? Of course not. 245 00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:18,336 We love meeting fans. Oh, my God. He'll explode 246 00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:20,256 when he sees a selfie of me and his favourite players. 247 00:10:20,280 --> 00:10:21,416 And Mattie. 248 00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:23,216 Um, right, say cheese. 249 00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:24,280 Cheese! 250 00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:28,256 Thank you. This will make his day. 251 00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:30,776 Anyway, good luck with the football, boys. 252 00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:32,640 Thank you. Nice to meet you. Cheers. 253 00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:37,816 Look, I know this is a bit cheeky, but what the hell? 254 00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:39,936 You did say you love meeting your fans. 255 00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:42,416 I knew you was a cheeky one the second I saw you, Nicola. 256 00:10:42,440 --> 00:10:43,696 Um, what are you doing now? 257 00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:45,056 I live just around the corner, 258 00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:48,136 and it would make Stuart's day if you were there to surprise him when 259 00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:50,896 he got back from school. He'll be home in about ten minutes? 260 00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:52,096 I-I totally understand 261 00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:53,656 if you've got other stuff to do. 262 00:10:53,680 --> 00:10:56,696 But he's just had a bit of a rough time of it lately, is all. 263 00:10:56,720 --> 00:10:58,496 Bullying? He has been involved 264 00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:00,216 in some bullying incidents, yes. 265 00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:03,936 Actually, we've got nothing going on this afternoon. We'd love to. 266 00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:06,616 Oh, wow. My God. This is great! 267 00:11:06,640 --> 00:11:07,816 You boys are so sweet. 268 00:11:07,840 --> 00:11:09,896 Um, let me just get a cake. 269 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:12,120 The least I can do is give you some tea. 270 00:11:13,520 --> 00:11:15,736 Ha-ha-ha. Playing with fire, mate. 271 00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:19,096 No. I'm taking time out of our day to do something positive for someone else, 272 00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:20,536 like Olivia said this morning. 273 00:11:20,560 --> 00:11:24,256 I thought you'd have figured out by now, Brains... there is no son. 274 00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:25,456 She's after a foursome. 275 00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:27,536 Which is why she's buying sponge cake? 276 00:11:27,560 --> 00:11:30,576 I don't want to get in any trouble here. What if the TED Talk guy is right? 277 00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:33,256 The TED Talk guy, who doesn't exist, is not right, Jack. 278 00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:36,176 Yeah? Well, let's see how she responds to his coded message. 279 00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:37,216 What's that? 280 00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:39,936 "Can you recommend something to get these lipstick stains off my penis?" 281 00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:41,776 Not exactly the Enigma code, is it? 282 00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:45,176 Please don't say that to her. Or any woman. Ever. 283 00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:47,256 Calm down, the Pope. It's a free hit. 284 00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:49,376 You can't get MeToo'd if they approach you. 285 00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:51,936 Incorrect. On so many levels. 286 00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:53,176 Haven't changed your mind, then? 287 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:59,256 Actually, while we're here, maybe you can recommend something for getting, um 288 00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:00,976 stains out 289 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:02,856 of my... my boxer shorts. 290 00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:04,016 Oh. 291 00:12:04,040 --> 00:12:05,816 Oh, dear. Poor you. 292 00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:07,616 Oh, well, when my son has tummy problems, 293 00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:10,456 I normally use a Vanish tablet and a really hot wash. 294 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:12,336 Or just throw them away, to be honest. 295 00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:14,256 No. I meant lipstick. 296 00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:15,736 So... 297 00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:18,000 You want to get poo stains out of lipstick? 298 00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:20,456 Y-Yes. 299 00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:22,856 Let's go meet Stuart. Yeah. 300 00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:24,480 And-And thank you so much again. 301 00:12:25,720 --> 00:12:28,920 I have a feeling things are about to get very sexual. 302 00:12:32,680 --> 00:12:34,576 He's usually straight back from school. 303 00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:36,216 Really sorry. 304 00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:37,840 Shouldn't be much longer. 305 00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:41,096 Can I have another can of Fanta, please? 306 00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:43,136 Of course. Let me get that for you. 307 00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:45,976 I love TED Talks. They're always bang on. 308 00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:48,056 I don't know if I've got the energy for an orgy. 309 00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:50,096 And what if her son comes back when we're all into it? 310 00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:51,656 There is no son. 311 00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:55,176 Yeah, all these photos of this 14-year-old are just elaborate props. 312 00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:58,056 And for clarity, even if she did want an orgy, which she definitely doesn't, 313 00:12:58,080 --> 00:12:59,856 I don't want an orgy with you. 314 00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:01,296 Who with, then? 315 00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:02,920 No-one, Jack. There you go. 316 00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:05,536 Can I get you anything else? 317 00:13:05,560 --> 00:13:08,376 How about a slice of your delicious pie? 318 00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:10,456 Oh, I don't think I've got any. 319 00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:12,056 Is cake OK? 320 00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:14,176 Actually, I might have a pie in the freezer. 321 00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:17,176 Have you ever shared your delicious pie? Three ways? 322 00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:19,776 Three ways? Don't think so. 323 00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:21,696 I think the portions would be too big. 324 00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:23,896 I don't think the club would be too pleased if they found out 325 00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:25,656 we'd been stuffing ourselves with pie, Benji. 326 00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:28,576 I'm really sorry. I don't know where he's got to. 327 00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:31,616 Ever since his dad left, he's been so emotional. 328 00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:35,376 The only other times he's been late has been because of the bullying. 329 00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:37,496 Ow! Are you all right? Ooh, trapped nerve. 330 00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:40,216 I get so stressed when I think about Stuart and the bullying. 331 00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:42,576 I just need some pressure applied on my lower back. 332 00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:45,496 Will one of you help? I've been told I've got magic fingers. 333 00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:48,576 No, no. I took a physiotherapy module at university. 334 00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:51,216 OK. Just lie face down. Arms out ahead. 335 00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:53,976 Like Superman flying. There you go. Like this? 336 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,816 Yeah, perfect. While I release the muscle, just slowly lift your arms. 337 00:13:56,840 --> 00:13:58,536 Argh! 338 00:13:58,560 --> 00:14:01,696 I feel like if her son comes back now, this isn't gonna look good. 339 00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:02,816 There is no son. 340 00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:05,216 Is that any better? Yeah, it's easing up a bit. 341 00:14:05,240 --> 00:14:07,856 Argh... That's it. 342 00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:09,896 Oh, oh, let me help. 343 00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:11,656 That's amazing. Oh! 344 00:14:11,680 --> 00:14:14,136 Knew it. Mum, what the fuck?! 345 00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:16,896 Stuart! Surprise! 346 00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:18,816 Fucking right it's a surprise! What's going on? 347 00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:20,856 My back went. Mattie was just helping me. 348 00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:22,416 They've come here to cheer you up. 349 00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:24,616 It's not fucking working. 350 00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:26,176 It's a pleasure to meet you, Stuart. 351 00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:28,096 I was starting to think you might not exist. 352 00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:29,776 Who's this paedo? 353 00:14:29,800 --> 00:14:32,096 They're football players. From your favourite team. 354 00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:33,856 Well, he barely plays. 355 00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:35,136 All right, mate. 356 00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:36,936 This one, I've literally no idea who he is. 357 00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:39,136 I'm Mattie Sullivan. Yeah. No idea. 358 00:14:39,160 --> 00:14:41,376 All right, fair play, that's Jack Turner. You're decent. 359 00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:43,696 Thank you. What was that? 360 00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:44,976 He doesn't really talk. 361 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:48,056 OK, hang on, I'm not going to forget that I just walked in 362 00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:52,016 on the three of you pulling a train on my mum! 363 00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:54,216 Whoa, whoa, Stuart... Look, it's not what it looks like. 364 00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:56,776 Obviously there's been a giant misunderstanding, right, guys? 365 00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:59,136 Yeah. Turns out your mum genuinely wanted to surprise you. 366 00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:01,376 While we thought she wanted to smash us into next week. 367 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:03,136 No, that was not the misunderstanding. 368 00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:04,496 Oh, my God, no! 369 00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:06,736 Stuart, wait, please! 370 00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:08,936 Right. Time to bounce. 371 00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:10,616 We can't leave now! Why not? 372 00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:12,976 No-one's getting their balls dipped after that little baby's drama. 373 00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:15,256 We can't leave now, because we have to fix this. 374 00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:17,256 The state that kid's in, he could do anything. 375 00:15:17,280 --> 00:15:20,096 Shall we beat him up? Yeah, that's a brilliant idea, Jack. 376 00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:22,176 Let's beat up the kid who thinks he's just witnessed us 377 00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:24,696 spit-roasting his mom. This is awful. He's locked me out. 378 00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:27,656 He's threatening to go on Instagram to tell everyone how he caught 379 00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:29,536 his mum in an orgy with some footballers. 380 00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:30,936 Why would he think that? 381 00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:32,936 To be fair... Shut up, Benji. 382 00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:35,616 Jack, you're his favourite. He'll listen to you. 383 00:15:35,640 --> 00:15:37,440 Will you go and explain? 384 00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:43,816 Bullying can be a terrible experience. 385 00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:45,576 I'm sure that's why he's so jumpy. Yeah. 386 00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:47,376 I mean, we took away his phone for a week 387 00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:49,536 when we were told what he was doing to the other kids. 388 00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:52,616 Sorry? HE was the bully? Yeah. The divorce hit him hard. 389 00:15:52,640 --> 00:15:54,416 Not as hard as he hit them kids, I bet. 390 00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:56,600 Well, at least things seem a lot calmer up there now. 391 00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:03,056 He's freaking me out! 392 00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:06,256 He hasn't said a word for about five minutes. I feel unsafe. 393 00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:07,496 I'm really sorry. 394 00:16:07,520 --> 00:16:10,936 I just wanted to make everything perfect for him. I'm a terrible mother. 395 00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:14,296 Give me one good reason why I shouldn't send this right now. 396 00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:17,456 Because it's not true, Stuart, and we might lose our jobs over it. 397 00:16:17,480 --> 00:16:20,696 Look, man, I-I know things have been tough for you lately and 398 00:16:20,720 --> 00:16:23,576 also for the other kids around you, but football is our lives. 399 00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:27,240 It looks bad, but we'll do anything to fix it. 400 00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:31,256 Anything? Yeah. Yeah. Of course. 401 00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:33,736 I want to train with the first team. 402 00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:36,736 Ah, that's a little tricky. To train with the first team, 403 00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:39,256 you have to be an actual footballer at the club. 404 00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:41,136 You said "anything". You lied. 405 00:16:41,160 --> 00:16:42,776 OK. I'll see what I can do, 406 00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:45,536 but I'm not promising. I think you are. 407 00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:47,936 I want to get a photo for my Insta of me kicking a ball 408 00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:50,896 with the first-teamers. Or else you'll post the other thing? 409 00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:54,416 Yeah. But now I'm going to add, "Jack Turner is a paedophile." 410 00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:56,136 We aren't all paedophiles, Stuart. 411 00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:57,976 What are you doing in my bedroom, then? 412 00:16:58,000 --> 00:16:59,816 Told you we should have beat him up. 413 00:16:59,840 --> 00:17:02,176 I have to say, my back is feeling much better. 414 00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:04,280 Great. Well, that's something! 415 00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:17,416 Here he is. The lucky boy! 416 00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:19,776 Thanks, Nicola. We should be done by one. 417 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:21,656 Still can't believe this is happening. Thank you. 418 00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:24,256 Aw, look at his face! 419 00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:26,496 He's having the time of his life. 420 00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:27,936 I'd hate to see him on a bad day. 421 00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:29,176 You saw me yesterday. 422 00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:31,576 When you three tried to fuck my mum. 423 00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:34,456 That was a pretty bad day. 424 00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:36,776 Bye, sweetie. 425 00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:39,576 OK. Now, to successfully pull this off, 426 00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:41,736 we need you to play along with whatever we say, understood? 427 00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:44,896 No. I call the shots. You're not in charge. 428 00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:47,296 Come on, Stuart. What we're doing today is highly unusual. 429 00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:51,816 Is it as unusual as three footballers bukkakeing your mum? 430 00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:52,976 Bukkakeing, anyone? 431 00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:55,376 It's where multiple men spunk on a woman's face. 432 00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:56,456 Oh, OK. 433 00:17:56,480 --> 00:17:58,616 No. No, it isn't. 434 00:17:58,640 --> 00:18:00,080 Come on, let's go. 435 00:18:01,360 --> 00:18:04,936 Really do think you need to cut down on the internet porn, though, buddy. 436 00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:09,056 I mean, it's wide, like a Coke can, but she's still not into it. 437 00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:10,336 She used to love all these... 438 00:18:10,360 --> 00:18:12,136 Chris! Hi. How are you? 439 00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:14,136 Great, great, Mattie. Yeah. Loving training. 440 00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:15,536 It's better than being at home. 441 00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:16,816 You know what I mean? 442 00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:19,360 It's like a war zone sometimes. 443 00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:21,960 Yeah. 444 00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:26,496 Yeah. Listen, I know we're not meant to have guests at training, 445 00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:29,136 but my little nephew's here... Oh, right. Well, 446 00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:31,736 yeah, we don't really allow kids at the training complex, Mattie. 447 00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:32,896 You should know that. 448 00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:34,736 I... I do know, but he's a lovely lad, 449 00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:37,376 and I was wondering if this time maybe you could... 450 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:40,216 He's got a serious health thing. He's not got long left to live. 451 00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:41,536 Oh, shit. 452 00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:44,496 Oh, I'm sorry. Poor guy. Um, where is he? 453 00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:46,856 Er, he's over there. Where? 454 00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:48,536 Just there, next to Jack. 455 00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:50,016 Oh, right. Big boy. 456 00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:52,456 Yeah. Yeah, but he's actually... He's ten. 457 00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:54,016 Ten? Right. What's he got? 458 00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:57,216 Viral thing. Hay fever. Leukaemia. 459 00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:58,896 He's got hay fever leukaemia? 460 00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:01,776 Yeah. Every time he sneezes, his cell count drops. 461 00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:03,816 Should he be outside? Hay fever is a code word 462 00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:05,096 we use for polio. 463 00:19:05,120 --> 00:19:06,856 Polio? Hmm. 464 00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:08,656 Oh, my God. I thought that had been eradicated. 465 00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:11,016 Well, have you contacted the health authorities? 466 00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:13,696 It's not polio. He's got something else. 467 00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:15,416 Worse, but less worrying. 468 00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:17,776 You know cat AIDS? I've heard of it. 469 00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:19,016 It is like cat AIDS for kids. 470 00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:22,736 Gosh. Oh, I'm so, so sorry. Poor little guy. 471 00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:23,840 Let's go see him. 472 00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:27,216 Oh... 473 00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:28,456 Hi. 474 00:19:28,480 --> 00:19:30,376 I don't want to meet this old cunt. 475 00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:31,576 He's also got Tourette's. 476 00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:33,736 I understand. Poor little scamp. 477 00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:34,856 What did you fucking say? 478 00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:36,776 Can we take him in? Yeah, course you can. 479 00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:38,296 Go on, in you go. 480 00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:39,696 Thanks. 481 00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:41,760 Oh... 482 00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:44,616 Poor kid. 483 00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:47,256 Right, nice. We're in. 484 00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:48,576 It's exciting, isn't it, Stuart? 485 00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:49,896 Not especially, no. 486 00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:51,736 So, when am I doing the training? 487 00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:55,096 Well, it is still breakfast, and there will be some stretching 488 00:19:55,120 --> 00:19:56,536 I said, "When?" 489 00:19:56,560 --> 00:19:59,176 OK. Let's get some food first. 490 00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:01,016 Then we'll do whatever you want. 491 00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:02,560 You better. 492 00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:05,776 So what's the plan, then? What do you mean, what's the plan? 493 00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:08,176 Are you going to get him training? I wasn't, Jack. 494 00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:09,336 I think Chris might notice 495 00:20:09,360 --> 00:20:11,800 if a ten-year-old cat AIDS sufferer suddenly joined in. 496 00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:14,456 Jesus. Whoa, Stuart, hey! 497 00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:16,840 Let's get our breakfast on, yeah? 498 00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:20,736 And this is the canteen. No ice cream, I'm afraid. 499 00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:22,536 I'm not a fucking baby. 500 00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:24,176 Hey, maybe you want a smoothie or something. 501 00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:26,496 Now you're talking! That's what I want. 502 00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:28,456 To meet Petey Brooks. Club legend! 503 00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:29,856 Christ. Really? 504 00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:32,096 Do you want me to tell the papers about my mum? 505 00:20:32,120 --> 00:20:34,080 OK. OK, fine. 506 00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:40,656 Petey. Fuck off. 507 00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:41,736 Yeah. 508 00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:44,056 Although, listen, there's this kid here, and he's sick, 509 00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:45,416 really sick, badly ill. 510 00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:46,736 And I brought him here, 511 00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:48,496 and all he wants to do is meet you. 512 00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:49,856 How much? 513 00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:51,776 What? No, sorry, he's-he's ill, 514 00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:53,416 like-like terminally ill, 515 00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:56,776 and didn't want to visit Disneyland or pretend to be Batman. 516 00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:58,616 He simply wants to say hello to you. 517 00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:00,776 Oh, right. How much? 518 00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:03,576 It's a sick kid, Petey. I understand, and what I'm saying is, 519 00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:06,936 how much will you or some GoFundMe his godfather has set up give me 520 00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:08,456 if I say hello? 521 00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:10,976 I-I... I don't know. I'll do it for a grand. 522 00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:12,736 To say hello? It's a fair rate. 523 00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:14,576 I charge my brother's kids 250. 524 00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:16,656 OK. This is good, this is good. We're negotiating. 525 00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:18,896 No, we aren't. 526 00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:20,856 Hey. It's Jack, right? 527 00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:22,496 Er, yeah. 528 00:21:22,520 --> 00:21:24,240 Ruth. 529 00:21:26,080 --> 00:21:27,776 I just thought I'd come and say hi. 530 00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:29,896 Um, they're letting us train one day a week here now. 531 00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:32,120 It's pretty nice, right? The canteen food is unreal. 532 00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:35,240 Do you like it? 533 00:21:38,520 --> 00:21:39,696 So, who's the kid? 534 00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:41,496 He's a friend. I'm not your friend. 535 00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:42,696 No, I mean... my son. 536 00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:45,096 Your... son? What? No. 537 00:21:45,120 --> 00:21:46,896 Not my son. Sorry, I panicked. 538 00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:48,696 I can tell you exactly how we know each other. 539 00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:50,856 Actually, Ruth, we've got to go. I'm going nowhere, mate. 540 00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:52,536 So, I came home from school yesterday... 541 00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:54,616 Sorry. You've got to go. 542 00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:57,416 What? Well, we can't go, so you've got to go. 543 00:21:57,440 --> 00:22:00,016 Um, OK. 544 00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:01,560 See you around? 545 00:22:02,520 --> 00:22:03,520 Smooth 546 00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:07,576 Stuart, you want to grab some food? 547 00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:10,040 I will. But not cos you told me to. 548 00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:14,016 Petey wants a grand. Sounds about right. 549 00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:16,536 Yeah, I've been thinking... Bad start. 550 00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:18,616 The question is, would being in the paper for gang-banging a MILF 551 00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:19,736 actually be a bad thing for me? 552 00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:21,776 I guess it depends on how much you value the job 553 00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:23,736 that you've dedicated your entire life to. 554 00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:25,336 And it is an ethical dilemma. 555 00:22:25,360 --> 00:22:27,816 But it would be nice to know someone could sell a story on me. 556 00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:30,176 Yeah, I could see that'd be nice if you're a fucking idiot! 557 00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:32,096 Hey, it's a win-win for me, I reckon. 558 00:22:32,120 --> 00:22:33,856 Basically, I ain't paying a grand. 559 00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:35,456 Great, great. Jack? 560 00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:38,736 Obviously, I would help, but I've got no cash till we get paid again. 561 00:22:38,760 --> 00:22:40,936 How? How is that possible? You just signed a new contract. 562 00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:42,696 I had a run of back luck. I'll win it back. 563 00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:44,896 I can pay next week, though, if the kid can hang around. 564 00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:48,320 He's not going to wait a week for you to still not win at horses, is he? 565 00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:51,616 Oh, fine. Fine. We're fucked. 566 00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:54,056 And I'll tell him. What's the worst that can happen? 567 00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:56,040 We all get sacked. You just told us that. 568 00:22:57,920 --> 00:23:00,176 Stuart! Listen, Stuart, we've got a great day lined up for you 569 00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:03,216 but you can't meet Petey Brooks. And now, the video suite is that way, where we... 570 00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:04,696 You fucking what, mate? 571 00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:06,816 And discuss tactics. 572 00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:07,936 I can't meet Petey? 573 00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:10,920 Um... No. 574 00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:14,536 You lied! 575 00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:16,176 They lied! 576 00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:18,136 Jesus Christ, shut him up. Please, please, calm down, Stuart. 577 00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:20,536 You did things to my mum. My mummy! 578 00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:22,576 You bukkaked my mummy. 579 00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:25,376 Oh, dear. Little fella having another Tourette's attack. 580 00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:27,976 Oh, fuck off, you total cunting prick! 581 00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:29,216 Oops. A bad one. 582 00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:30,576 Give us a minute, Chris? 583 00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:32,056 Sure thing. I'm sending it. 584 00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:33,696 Do you want me to beat him up? All right, all right. 585 00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:36,136 I'll fix it up for you to meet Petey if you shut up. 586 00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:39,216 Really? Yes. Really. 587 00:23:39,240 --> 00:23:41,416 You sure you got this? Yes. I think. 588 00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:44,296 Now, Stuart, Petey's in there. Amazing. 589 00:23:44,320 --> 00:23:47,896 And he's really happy to meet you, but he does insist on no phones. 590 00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:50,176 After the England incident. Right, yeah, of course. 591 00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:52,000 And in you go. Enjoy. 592 00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:01,096 He's not here. 593 00:24:01,120 --> 00:24:02,816 Fuck you, Stuart. 594 00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:06,696 Hey, no! Let me out! Let me out! I knew it! 595 00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:08,416 Do not let him out. I know who can fix this. 596 00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:10,976 Fucking let me out, you fucking paedos! 597 00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:12,656 Let me out now! I'm underage. 598 00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:15,216 This is illegal. You can't fucking do this! 599 00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:17,056 I think this has made things worse. Fuck you! Fuck! 600 00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:19,336 And now he's threatening to tell the world about us and his mom 601 00:24:19,360 --> 00:24:20,976 unless he meets Petey. And Petey, 602 00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:23,176 the maniac, won't meet the kid for less than a grand. 603 00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:27,616 I mean, the MeToo briefing was, what, less than 24 hours ago? 604 00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:30,096 It's not quite as bad as it sounds. 605 00:24:30,120 --> 00:24:31,496 Even though you're telling me 606 00:24:31,520 --> 00:24:35,096 you've got a potential front-page-of-the-paper situation 607 00:24:35,120 --> 00:24:37,696 regarding precisely what you were warned about yesterday? 608 00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:40,536 OK, when you put it like that, it sounds pretty bad. 609 00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:42,176 Right, where is he now? 610 00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:45,816 We stole his phone and locked him in the video briefing room. 611 00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:47,120 Course you did. 612 00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:50,240 Jesus Christ. 613 00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:59,656 Happy? Got a lot of gear there. 614 00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:02,016 When am I meeting Petey? Listen 615 00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:04,256 you little prick, you're not meeting Petey Brooks. 616 00:25:04,280 --> 00:25:05,856 What? 617 00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:07,496 Right, I'm going to the papers. 618 00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:12,296 While you've been "shopping", I've had our IT team hack your phone. 619 00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:15,656 Some very, very interesting stuff in your search history. 620 00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:18,856 No, that's... That's not mine. I was, um... 621 00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:21,896 We know every site you visited, every single one. 622 00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:25,776 So, if you don't want your mum to find out what you've been up to, 623 00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:28,296 you'll keep your mouth shut, you little wanker. 624 00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:31,776 Someone at school said it was funny, and I only checked it out once. 625 00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:35,240 Please, you can't tell my mum. Take your shopping basket and fuck off! 626 00:25:41,600 --> 00:25:42,776 That was amazing! 627 00:25:42,800 --> 00:25:45,376 I've done it before. Usually works. Amazing. 628 00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:47,696 So, what kind of sites was he looking at? 629 00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:50,696 Fucked if I know. Have you met our IT department? 630 00:25:50,720 --> 00:25:52,936 They can barely work a phone, let alone hack one. 631 00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:55,416 You bluffed him? Incredible. 632 00:25:55,440 --> 00:25:58,616 The little shit must have thought you knew about the bukkake videos. 633 00:25:58,640 --> 00:25:59,656 I'm sorry? 634 00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:02,816 Bukkake. Bukkake? Yeah, he kept mentioning it. 635 00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:04,496 I don't know what you mean. Oh. 636 00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:06,816 Well, bukkake is when multiple men, well, 637 00:26:06,840 --> 00:26:09,616 unload their ejaculate simultaneously 638 00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:11,496 onto a woman's face. Er... 639 00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:13,840 Is that HR you're calling? 640 00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:18,416 Bob, are you free? 641 00:26:18,440 --> 00:26:20,960 Yeah, another octopus, I'm afraid. 642 00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:28,896 Yes, yes, yes! 643 00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:32,016 Ha-ha! Guess who's had a story sold on them? 644 00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:34,856 And that's a good thing? Yes, sir. I'm money. 645 00:26:34,880 --> 00:26:36,816 Read it out, then. 646 00:26:36,840 --> 00:26:41,656 "Top Prem star Benji Achebe lives with his mum and has..." 647 00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:42,936 Nah... 648 00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:46,480 "Top Prem star lives with his mom and has a tiny penis." 649 00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:52,720 Well, hey, listen, it's fake news, yeah? My mum lives with me. 650 00:26:52,770 --> 00:26:57,320 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0